She's gorgeous. She's smart. She can tell when I'm joking. She has a good job. She's capable of a good conversation. She's committed to her beliefs. Basically she's one of the those few women I'd really really like to try to ease into my life. Heck, forget ease in---Did you read the first sentance? She's all that and yet shes on the market? My eyes widen. My hopes sail. And I plan my move...
Guys, haven't we all met a handful of ladies just like this? Go ahead think back... Okay, now think about how many of those girls like this you've tried with through the years who are now married. Any?
I can list off the top of my head 6 women who fit this category that I've come across in the last 6 or 7 years, no wait,7 women. None them are married or even dating anyone seriously that I'm aware of (of course over that long a stretch some of them I am no longer aware of at all). Singleness seems to clash with the info in that 1st sentance I threw out there doesn't it? Well after much thought I have decided I know why.
Allow me to describe an experience I had a few years ago.
My gal pal worked with this beautiful girl and after going on a road trip with her she decided she was also of substance and that I needed to take her out. She talked her up so much that I decided it was worth a try.
The first phone call went okay. She seemed smart, funny, confident yet humble, and after seeing a few pics (yep guys are shallow) I was pretty into the idea of a date. She was right with me on scheduling one for the next weekend. 3 days before the night we had settled on she called and told me she had just found some slamming deal on some weekend trip and had to do it, but that the next weekend would work great. Trying to come across as the laid back stud that I try to portray I said no biggie, and that I'd touch base later. Well when I tried for the next weekend she had forgotten she was going somewhere with her family, and the week after wouldn't work either. I let it play out and after not hearing a peep in a couple more weeks I tried one last time. Yes! She'd love to! She flirtatiously told me to stop being a stranger and went on to say "call me after I get back from place X next week, and we'll set something up" I mumbled swear words, did some pushups and promptly wrote her off. I WISH I could say it was because I lost interest in her, but no, I just hated feeling rejected every other week for 2 months.
I know what you're thinking... She had something else going, or she was a bratt, or I need someone who will make me a priority. Well all those things MIGHT be true, BUT it doesn't change the fact that she was attractive in all the important aspects except the making time for Joel thing (which I thought she'd come around on if only she'd give me a couple dates to work my mojo)
Here's my point. We decide girls like this are lame, or selfish, or too needy of being at the right places to feel important, and we do it to justify why they don't give us any real time of day, but honestly, I don't think it goes that deep. I think they are just plain and simple gone too much on the weekends. They're still great...Still smart, pretty, successful, just knowingly or unknowingly unable to allow a dude to come along for the ride on the chosen lifestyle.
Now if this was just a one time thing I'd probably just roll my eyes and let it go, but it's not, at all. In the last year similar things have happened.. oh maybe 3 times... a handful of similar events have come up before that, always depending on my brashness in attempting to wo these mighty unconquerrable She-Titans.
"Oh poor Joel, the girls are feeding him lines to let him down easy." Maybe sometimes, but the fact that I'm straight, not addicted to porn, employed, and not super hideous(aka tall and not quite totally bald), usually gets me at least some initial time with some quality females in my age range. That, along with the fact that ALL the mysterious triptakers I still know of are still single, leads me to believe that this particular issue (definately not all of them, man cuz I have tons) is more based in them than me. Yeah it's still totally arguable, but it's my blog.
Let's do some math. If passenger A boards a train heading to Vernal travelling 64 mph in SLC at 5pm and passenger B boards a train at the same location at 7pm how fast must B's train go for the 2 passengers to meet up in the Vernal station and decide to go on a date? AND if both are cool and into each other, what is the likelyhood that they will (1) date? (2) get married? and (3) date but not get married until both their original spouses die over 30 years later? (wasn't that movie Dear John about something like that?) Ok ready for the answer?
A: This was a trick question because guess what... the girl (person A) didn't get off the the train in Vernal. She kept going to Omaha. Then Miami. From there she took a cruise with lots of hot people to the Bahamas. Then she went somewhere with a fake red carpet and took a bunch of pics to post on fb. After a day at home to do laundry and eat at a hip restaurant with the girls, she went to some dude who shave's his arms cabin, then 2 weeks at lake powell. Then a "work trip" to Australia, after which she imediately went to some place called Duck Beach which apparantly is mormon-cool.
Person B (the guy), hangs out for a couple days in Vernal then goes back to SLC and works on his house a lot. Goes to work every day. He tries to do something socially minded on the weekends if he can but oftens fails and just ends up watching a redbox or a football game while sanding lathe and plaster. Oh yeah, he also watches project runway and fights back the tears as he thinks about how he doesn't have a special someone to share it with. You're special Heidi Klume, but it's not the same. Now that's some sad sad Math.
The probability answers are as follows:(1) 1 chance in 3,854. (b) None. (c) 1 in 25 (call me a hopeless romantic).
Well there you have it. Single people are single for many different reasons, but when you meet that girl that you can't believe is still single don't get your hopes up. Try. By damn my good fellow, give it a shot. But if you fail, and you probably will, don't take it too hard. She stumped me too.
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8 comments:
This got several literal laugh-out-louds! You will eventually find a lady friend to share Project Runway tears with and perhaps she will take you on a few of her trips.
I think your post is fairly spot-on. I don't think you're getting the run around or gently being told no. I think very often the kind of women you are attracted to make a point of living a full and busy life, and the unintended consequence is that they are unavailable to let things start with guys. As someone who has done this and been accused of this by men I've dated or who have tried to date me, I know it isn't intentional, but I'm sure as the person on the receiving end of that, it's not too fun. Good news is November is universally a slower month, so maybe you can schedule something then!
Or just come with us to St. George in November.
You should let more ladies know about the Project Runway thing, add it to the short list of your best qualities. ;)
I really like this post, I think there are a lot of insights here that are dead on. That being said, what about asking a girl out for a Tuesday? Or Thursday, you can watch Project Runway together and bond over Micheal Kors' criticism.
xox
Naomi and Heidi make excellent points.
I just ran into Heidi Klum, almost knocked her over. (I really did.) Had I known you had a thing for her I would have talked to her a bit more.
So there’s this really awesome movie (great book too, but I won’t try to convince you to read the book too). You need to see it (I’ve got several copies of the DVD you’re welcome to…). So Person A (the girl) totally has it together and meets Person B (the guy). He totally has it together too but is a bit misunderstood by Person A. She’s pretty busy being perfect and doesn’t fully appreciate Person B’s better qualities. Later, she does, but at this point Person B misunderstands Person A and thinks she is involved with Person C (another dude but little does he know it’s not her boyfriend). So Person A and Person B are perfect for each other but misunderstood (don’t worry, I’m not talking about Pride and Prejudice). But then they both come to realize they need to give each other a chance. So Person A hops on a train to find Person B and Person B hops on a train to find Person A but of course they miss each other because each has left their usual residence to find the other. What are the chances Person A, traveling from Milton to London, will run into Person B, traveling from London to Milton, will run into each other? Like one in a lot, but because of the magic of movies, they DO run into each other at a train station and Joel, they find each other and have a lovely exchange right there in the train station (so they probably wouldn’t have kissed in the middle of a train station in the late 1800s, but we love it) and everyone lives happily ever after. This could totally happen to you! Maybe you need to go on more train rides so you can run into these traveling women, eh? Or perhaps become familiar with BBC classics like “North and South” which, along with your love for “Project Runway,” would win the heart of any quality female.
Is LH Lanae? Your movie sounds like Cary Grant. I'm trying to not sound bitter here, while making my next point, because I don't think I blame anyone I mentioned in the post for her actions. It's just slightly odd to me how guys get such a bad wrap for not asking people out. We are kind of bashed for having all the control of the when and where and with whom dating occurs, yet we don't take upon us that ability. Well...Some of us do, and it quite often sucks. I think it's a lot to expect of a guy to ID a prospect he could really like, then come up with something she might enjoy, then actually make phone contact (by far the hardest part) and ask her out, THEN have to take the "ok, but not this weekend" answer and shrug it off enough to plan something else at a later date that she might enjoy, try calling her again after being scuttled off already once (I lied, THIS is by far the hardest part)and hope she happens to be around for try number 2. I know some girls that will offer up a tuesday or wednesday evening but hold their weekends sacred for travelling. I really do think it's slightly insulting to men who work all week and have busy lives but still make an effort to keep weekends open for "other righteous goals" Ok I sounded bitter. At least I tried not to.
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