J0 8 EL

Lord of the Rings VS Harry Potter

I'm a little ashamed I'm even blogging about this because to me there really is no comparison. BUT I had this debate with a close friend the other day and I feel I need to end it once and for all, not just between me and the friend, but the entire world.

Lord of the Rings wins. It doesn't only win it really really wins. You probably already know why but I'll review a couple things anyway. In fact, lets make this a mini-series

Today, Installment number 1 "Bad Guys"

It's real stupid how all the bad guys and good guys in ALL THE LAND are so closely tied together in Harry Potter.

In Middle Earth the good guys and bad guys didn't all know each other and go to school together back in thier younger days. In HP every little SECRET plot twist goes back to Harry's parents and one of his school teachers, or one of his teachers and a bad guy, or a bad guy and one of his parents.... Did evil people exist outside this small circle of friends? Maybe in that world there was competition among the evil bad guys and they had clicks. What if Harry and his friends had to find out secret evil pasts of people who went to school somewhere OTHER than hogwarts? Like Cornell...or SLCC? I think it would have been even scarier if Voldemort had been homeschooled in Canada. WOW... that really has potential.

Anyway, Lord of the Rings is much more wholistic and inclusive of it's bad guys. Worm tongue came from Rohan, The balrog came from hell. Cave trolls I assume came from caves, I'm not really sure where Mountain trolls came from. Sauron's past isn't really revealed in the series of published books though they say it's explained elsewhere. Maybe he started out good and was turned evil by multiple female rejections. Gollum was once sort of a hobbit like person, but not from the same area or bloodlines as Frodo. Heck there were even 3 different groups of orcs who all hated each other. In fact of ALL the many bad guys, Saruman was the only one who we can assume had a similar education to a good guy (Gandalf). Maybe they were old wizard highschool band buddies. I assume they went to the same school because they are of the same "Order", maybe Saruman was a few years ahead of Gandalf. It seems clear that by the time Gandalf came through the Cher hair craze had died down and people were more into hacky sacking or long boarding. So yeah. It's dumb when stories affix universal bad guys to local good guys like in Harry Potter. It's way better when the bad guys become bad in thier own way and it doesn't necesarily have to be tied to some small town humble hero. That way the small potato has to overcome the greater evil... yadda yadda.. save the world.... Oh yeah, let's not forget the Sheeba the spider(i think thats her name). She probably had just a regular spider's background...No wierd strings attached (get it) to Frodo, OR Aragorn, or anyone else for that matter....Born in some dark place. Lots of siblings, she probably ate most of them to help her get big. Maybe she had a couple boyfriends that got her into rock climbing or spellunking, before she sucked out thier insides. I doubt she was ever in love with frodo's mother, although maybe if she had been she could have saved him a lot of trouble by promising to watch out for him... Outwardly hating the half of him that reminded her of his father who beat her out for his mother's affection, but sadly loving the memories conjured deep in her soul as she looked into those same defiant eyes that Lilly had..... We don't know what Frodo's mom's name was, but I think it could have been Lilly.

Do you get my point? Lord of the Rings bad guys are much more believable.

BRAD ROCK IS DUMB

Ok so for a while now I've been wanting to expose Brad Rock, the deseret News Sports guy as the not funny twit that he really is. Now I don't actually mind his sports coverage but I HATE his "ROCK ON" column, in which he seems to think he is funnier than Connan Obrien. Allow me to break down his latest article... His words are in pink, my narrative in blue.

Brad Rock Proving ground
It's tough being quarterback at a famous school like Alabama.
How tough?(tell me brad) John Parker Wilson had his cell number stolen by LSU fans and posted on the Internet. (Oh THAT Tough!)
Then there are those ridiculous expectations. (Oh yeah I HATE those)
In a November Sports Illustrated story, Jay Barker, the last Tide QB to win a national title (1992) said, "I just hope he can go away with a championship. That's where your legacy is, how you make your stamp as an Alabama quarterback."
Here in Utah, we don't worry about things like national championships. We just decide a guy's legacy by whether he comes out a winner in the annual BYU-Utah game.
The rest is just details. (Ok maybe he's not trying to be funny yet. )
Who's who
Plaxico Burress was the NFL's best story last week after showing up at a hospital with a gunshot wound in his thigh. Subsequent reports said the New York Giants receiver accidentally shot himself at a nightclub.
He originally identified himself to medical staffers as "Harris Smith" and said he had been shot at an Applebee's restaurant.
That's the problem with getting arrested when you're a pro athlete.
If they recognize you, you're in trouble.
If they don't, that's not a good sign, either. (Ok I can handle that one I guess)
Known cohort
Rock On sources say police didn't get suspicious until Burress/Harris told them he had been out scarfing hot wings with Ron Mexico. (HAHAHAHAHA....Wait who is Ron Mexico? Oh, I googled it. I guess it was an alias Michael Vick used once. HILARIOUS! Now we're rolling!)
Course distractions
The cost of golf has become ridiculous.
At the Royal Links Golf Club in Las Vegas, it'll set you back $225 — and that's just for the caddy.
"Par Mates" are female caddies who, according to their Web site, are hired to "keep golfers company." Other responsibilities include calling in food and beverage orders, keeping score, repairing divots, fixing ball marks, cleaning clubs and helping with yardage.
The Mates have names like Erica (advertised as Penthouse Pet), Brianne and Fawne.
"Now more of what you come to Vegas for!" says the Web site.
Wait, don't most people come for the 99 cent breakfasts? (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHHAHA!!!!!
It's SOOO TRUE! Food really IS cheap in Vegas! HA HA HAHAHAHAH, oh Brad...)
Love conquers all
Expedia's "Go Like Pro" survey recently revealed that 18 percent of pro football fans would never marry a fan of their team's biggest rival.
Good thing the survey wasn't about college. (why Brad?)BYU quarterbacks coach Brandon Doman not only married a Ute fan, they had their wedding reception at Rice-Eccles Stadium.
Who says true love isn't bigger than sports?
Unless, of course, sports are your only true love.

(what does that mean? "who says true love isn't bigger than sports?" ok so that's a question right? followed up by "unless of course sports are your only true love" Unless who? what? Am I only supposed to answer the question if sports are or AREN'T my only true love? I'm sure this is funny Brad, cuz you're hilarious, so I wont question it anymore just cuz it has confused me. Oh yeah the laugh... HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA. You're such a funny dude! Brad!)

Finishing burst
Jacksonville Jaguar running back Fred Taylor passed O.J. Simpson on the all-time career rushing list last weekend.
Which is a nice accomplishment.
Still, as the Juice proved, the true test of greatness is how long a guy can stay in the news after his career his over. (or maybe the TRUE test of greatness is how long a guy can keep WRITING the news after his career SHOULD be over.)