Memo to the Ladies

Recently I was charged by my Bishop to oversee a Dating panel aimed to help the dudes in my ward try to overcome or at the very least identify areas in which we can improve. I asked a handfull of pretty amazing females, some solid guys, and a married couple to be the panel.
We tried to get a good mix of outgoing folks and people who my be a little quiet.

Overall the discussion was pretty productive, but one common tune in many of the comments by the females is that guys need to man up and not avoid dating. They also need to not use wimpy methods to ask girls out. They like a guy with confidence and a straightforward approach to inviting them to well planned social interactions. I had never before noticed how big a deal that is to women, after all I somehow have managed to find possiblities in dating, even though I have a deathly fear of calling one on the phone. Yes I do call, and It always is good progress (they either are glad I call, or my humility gets a nice shot of strngth) but I don't think I have ever in my life just called a girl cold turkey without some sort of an idea that she'd most likely be at least sort of interested. After much thought I have decided there are few things girls need to understand about guys. Many will disagree me, but oh well.

Often times the best guys are not necesarily the best daters.

At first, any contact is good contact.

If a guy sends you a text, an email, a cyber "nudge", or any other silly little thing, PLEASE take it as a compliment rather than an insult. This means he is trying to see if you are ok with him hanging around the idea of the 2 of you getting to know each other. If you respond positively and he never takes it beyond those feeble levels, then you have permission to hate his guts or think of him as a major wimp.

Give a dude the benefit of the doubt (at first). Many guys come across as very confident. That's because they probably are, in most aspects of their lives. They key word there is MOST, in fact tons of guys are confident in almost everything EXCEPT dating.

I'm a fairly confident basketball player, mostly because in years long past I avoided any social activity I could by playing hoops in my driveway, so if you see me playing ball you may expect me to be confident (or even a tad cocky?) in other aspects of my life. But what if you saw me trying to sight read some difficult bass line of a song my musically talented brother roped me into performing with him and 2 experienced female singers in church? Would you think I was confident then? Nope, you would not.

Girls need to help guys gain confidence socially by being polite and honest, maybe even a little patient with the dumb early contact antics. Don't expect a skilled engineer to know all the ins and outs of dating like he would laterall load calculations (heck he even has pc software to help him with that) Don't expect the spiritually gigantic kid who bore his testimony last month with great physical command and clear communication, to be nearly as brave when calling up a girl he thinks is pretty.

I do agree that guys need to man up, but every man starts out a baby.