BRAD ROCK IS DUMB

Ok so for a while now I've been wanting to expose Brad Rock, the deseret News Sports guy as the not funny twit that he really is. Now I don't actually mind his sports coverage but I HATE his "ROCK ON" column, in which he seems to think he is funnier than Connan Obrien. Allow me to break down his latest article... His words are in pink, my narrative in blue.

Brad Rock Proving ground
It's tough being quarterback at a famous school like Alabama.
How tough?(tell me brad) John Parker Wilson had his cell number stolen by LSU fans and posted on the Internet. (Oh THAT Tough!)
Then there are those ridiculous expectations. (Oh yeah I HATE those)
In a November Sports Illustrated story, Jay Barker, the last Tide QB to win a national title (1992) said, "I just hope he can go away with a championship. That's where your legacy is, how you make your stamp as an Alabama quarterback."
Here in Utah, we don't worry about things like national championships. We just decide a guy's legacy by whether he comes out a winner in the annual BYU-Utah game.
The rest is just details. (Ok maybe he's not trying to be funny yet. )
Who's who
Plaxico Burress was the NFL's best story last week after showing up at a hospital with a gunshot wound in his thigh. Subsequent reports said the New York Giants receiver accidentally shot himself at a nightclub.
He originally identified himself to medical staffers as "Harris Smith" and said he had been shot at an Applebee's restaurant.
That's the problem with getting arrested when you're a pro athlete.
If they recognize you, you're in trouble.
If they don't, that's not a good sign, either. (Ok I can handle that one I guess)
Known cohort
Rock On sources say police didn't get suspicious until Burress/Harris told them he had been out scarfing hot wings with Ron Mexico. (HAHAHAHAHA....Wait who is Ron Mexico? Oh, I googled it. I guess it was an alias Michael Vick used once. HILARIOUS! Now we're rolling!)
Course distractions
The cost of golf has become ridiculous.
At the Royal Links Golf Club in Las Vegas, it'll set you back $225 — and that's just for the caddy.
"Par Mates" are female caddies who, according to their Web site, are hired to "keep golfers company." Other responsibilities include calling in food and beverage orders, keeping score, repairing divots, fixing ball marks, cleaning clubs and helping with yardage.
The Mates have names like Erica (advertised as Penthouse Pet), Brianne and Fawne.
"Now more of what you come to Vegas for!" says the Web site.
Wait, don't most people come for the 99 cent breakfasts? (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHHAHA!!!!!
It's SOOO TRUE! Food really IS cheap in Vegas! HA HA HAHAHAHAH, oh Brad...)
Love conquers all
Expedia's "Go Like Pro" survey recently revealed that 18 percent of pro football fans would never marry a fan of their team's biggest rival.
Good thing the survey wasn't about college. (why Brad?)BYU quarterbacks coach Brandon Doman not only married a Ute fan, they had their wedding reception at Rice-Eccles Stadium.
Who says true love isn't bigger than sports?
Unless, of course, sports are your only true love.

(what does that mean? "who says true love isn't bigger than sports?" ok so that's a question right? followed up by "unless of course sports are your only true love" Unless who? what? Am I only supposed to answer the question if sports are or AREN'T my only true love? I'm sure this is funny Brad, cuz you're hilarious, so I wont question it anymore just cuz it has confused me. Oh yeah the laugh... HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA. You're such a funny dude! Brad!)

Finishing burst
Jacksonville Jaguar running back Fred Taylor passed O.J. Simpson on the all-time career rushing list last weekend.
Which is a nice accomplishment.
Still, as the Juice proved, the true test of greatness is how long a guy can stay in the news after his career his over. (or maybe the TRUE test of greatness is how long a guy can keep WRITING the news after his career SHOULD be over.)