Competing with the pros?

Growing up I viewed professional and even college athletes not so much as role models but definately as people who were older than me. I was a little kid when Michael Jordan was in his prime. I was in Highschool when he won his last championship. I think I was still in Elementary school when mormon superstud Steve Young filled in for a mildly injured hall of famer Joe Montana and quickly stole his starting spot and won the league MVP the same year.

Somewhere in my mind these athletes are categorized as old. Although it started to freak me out a little when I realized I'm now older than almost the entire Jazz Roster (thanks Jarron, Brevin, and Matt), it didn't quite sink in untill a girl I once dated, who lived back east, who I still kept in touch with "just in case" cancelled a trip to Utah (where she would have got a couple dates from me), opting instead to go to NYC to "hang out" with her "just a friend" friend Brian Kehl who plays professional football for the Giants. I guess she met him at some sort of BYU type place either in provo or Hawaii.

Lucky for me I wasn't too torn up by all this but it did feel a little wierd to compare myself to a healthier way more attractive physically, younger than me, future if not already millionare. Oh well I thought how many times can THAT happen.

The next weekend I was hanging out with a girl on whom, I must admit, I did have a fairly healthy crush. I knew from facebook corrospondence that she had recently met current NBA great Mark Madson on a hike(career averages of .1 points 2 rebounds, 5 fouls in 3 minutes of action). Well her brother called or something and they spent the next few minutes chatting about him and her young relationship with him. This wasn't a date, and she hadn't led me on, so it was fine manners, but man...... twice in 2 weeks?

Immediately my mind started down the path it always does when a girl clearly picks someone else over me. Why him? What's he got that I don't? That wierdo? C'mon! But this time there were answers. Why him? He's rich, will retire early, and will still be rich when that happens. Can you blame the girl? I mean he's LDS. What's he got that I don't? 2 NBA Championship rings, money, considerably larger muscles, and way way way more skill at the exact same leisure activity/ hobby that is hands down my best event. (though I do think I could out shoot him from behind the arc.... anyone believe that? Ok maybe not) Then I thought of slandering his reputation... After all he did make sportscenter for dancing on a float after one of the Lakers Championship seasons. Youtube it sometime if youre thinking of going for him ladies. Dancing Skills aside.... I concluded you can't feel bad to get beat by a pro.

Back in the day my man Timmy went on a couple dates with a girl who had recently broken up with Chris Anderson. Now he's getting lots of minutes with the Denver Nuggets. That girl was lame and Tim's of course much better off with Holly, but It was also wierd. I went to 7 years of school, have 3 degrees, whereas homeboy dropped out of school, abandoned his mom, did all kinds of drugs, but is good at hoops so he makes in half a practice twice what I make in 3 years.

Mhhhh..... Oh well.

Speaking of Tim, his highschool girlfriend made out with pop-icon Mark McGrath in hawaii, while he was serving the Lord in Portugal. The funniest thing about it was how excited she was to tell me once i got home. i was like "Ok and youre proud of this why?" She was like "cuz he's Sugar Ray!! thats so hot!!"

In conclusion: Niether of the 1st 2 girls I mentioned are still after their respective pro-boy-toys (incidentally they arent after me either). And from what I know about the girl who macked sugar ray I have decided that I don't really need to, much less want to compete with the pros.

I am JOEL, son of GARY. I do not have a 6 pack. I am not famous. I'm the least tan person I know who isn't dead. I have wierd chest hair. I make dorky references to Lord of the Rings. I make very little money when compared to the amount of college debt i have. My Nose is crooked and I have to concentrate to not walk like a penguin. But I can sing better than Mark Madsen, I'm not a BYU alum like Brian Kehl, and I guarantee I can kick the CRAP out of Mark McGrath one on one.