Cancer Sucks, and not just for the normal reasons.

So I worked for a couple years at a place after my mission, and in the process became friends with a few of my fellow employees. One them was a really funny semi-sarcastic gal that we shall call "Ramona" (that's not even close to Ashley is it?) The friendship consisted of lots of joking, a little bit of the regular office gossip, and an occasional lunch trip with our other worker pals. Nothing "tight" but still good enough friends I would say. So eventually I went to grad-school and left that job. She transferred offices, got married, and had a kid, as is the human tradition. A couple years later we became facebook friends. She ocassionally posts funny things on which I comment from time to time and vice versa. This is how our very limited friendship has remained. Today that friendship has ended. (*frightening beat* -"dooh dooh dooh")

Now before I explain the gorey details of this untimely facebook friendship death, there is something the reader (and I know there aren't many) needs to understand about me. Something I thought "Ramona" knew... I find inapropriate things to be funny. Theres just something to be said for putting your foot in your mouth.

I have joked about dead people hugging Jesus. I have laughed out loud during very somber family prayers, I almost got kicked out of scout camp at age 13 for sarcastically challenging a 40 yr old leader from another troop to fight for the rights to a lame rope swing hanging over a tiny stream. I once pulled a YSA group into feeling massive amounts of guilt for laughing at comments I made about how Jesus (who I love profoundly and truly believe would crack a smile over some brotherly banter) would probably suck at basketball for various inapropriate reasons.

None of these things were helpful to me to become a better a person, or beneficial to anyone involved in any way, BUT they have all added a sort of flavor to certain instances in my past that I still think back on and can't help but smile. Sometimes I just think of things that are so "not ok to say" that I just have to say them regardless of the consequences, just to see what will happen. You may say "No Joel, you don't have to say them. We all are free to choose." But those who would say that, don't understand me and probably wouldn't be very fun to hang out with.

Now this is not an excuse for the following behavior I exhibited; Rather an explanation of why I had to do what I did.

The following is copied directly from "Ramona's" Facebook status:

"Christmas will come early for a five year old Michigan boy this year. Noah Biorkman is battling cancer and is not expected to live much longer. Noah's family is celebrating Christmas next weekend (November 13th and 14th) and Noah loves Christmas cards. Noah's mom is asking for Christmas cards for her son. Please take the time to send a card or letter to: Noah Biorkman, 3480 Petoskey Way, Milford, MI 48380"

I very wrongly commented on her post:

"Dear Noah,
Thanks for bumming us all out this holiday season by getting cancer. You have ruined Christmas for everyone!"

Another of Ramonas friends posts: "WOW"

I then left my computer and went to FHE. This morning when I came in to work, I went to the original post to see the hatred and bitterness that I was sure to recieve as a side effect. Alas, she had deleted my post and no one else had commented. I thought it was probably ok because I wasn't feeling like having to deal with the backlash anyway, and I felt a little bad for making Ramona, who knows me and would probably think it was at least kind of funny at some level, have to deal with my immaturity on an issue she obviously felt strongly about. To get a feel for her thoughts on it I posted "Hey! Where's my comment?"

She replied with:

"I can't believe you posted that comment. You are such a loser. Have a freakin' heart. It is one thing to be funny, but that was just immature and inappropriate. I have been meaning to "un"friend you over it, but can't do that one my work computer. Maybe later tonight, jerk!"

Well she somehow managed to unfriend me 5 minutes later, rather than later tonight. I tried to explain myself in another post but I was blocked from commenting. I did send her a personal email however stating that there was no way this story could be true and it was probably some stupid internet hoax..... Then I googled the kid and found out it is legit. Oops.

And so ends the friendship....

I guess I deserved it. I guess it's ok for you to hate me for finding joy in saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I guess I should grow up. I guess Ramona is probably right. But maybe.... just maybe one of you read my horrible comment and felt a little bit guilty for smiling, or even letting a small burst of laughter-like air bubbles exit your lungs before you thought about how wrong it was, and began plotting my death. And if one, JUST ONE of you did either of those things.... I say to one and all, the laid back folk and the people with objects lodged tightly up thier rears alike, and with not enough remorse to ruin my day"It was worth it"

(If you are my fb friend and now choose to unfriend me and never read this crappy blog again, I will understand, but just remember... My next blog will be a hypothetical, yet soon to be very possible, preview on who would win a 1 on 1 basketball game between little Noah, and Jesus. Stay tuned.)

Why Boozer's gotta go.

http://lakers.fandome.com/video/111417/Kobe-Destroys-Paul-Millsap/

Watch this clip. Ok so the website, the announcers and probably all the fans in attendance think Kobe dunked on Paul Millsap. Now watch the clip again and focus on Carlos Boozer... Done? Ok so Korver is guarding Kobe. Boozer's man sets a pick. Boozer then surprisingly hedges out (this means the instant that HIS man picks his teammate Korver, he takes a big step the direction Kobe is headed to. This keeps him from getting to the hoop momentarily, then when Korver recovers Boozer can slip back onto his guy) This is considered good defense (Yay for Carlos!). Ok so Kobe then reverses direction and tries to beat Korver to the middle of the court. In this he succeeds, but it should be ok because once again Boozer is right there ready to help cover Kobe. I can only imagine what Boozer is thinking at this point. "Ok baby, here comes Kobe. Now I can either stay where I am, in perfect defensive position to majorly disrupt Kobe's shot, force him to pass, or at the very least foul him and make him earn the points from the free throw line..... OR I can push my guy backwards to get us both out of Kobe's way, flail my arms like I'm trying to fly, and take a huge bunny hop AWAY from the hoop (where Kobe is headed), OK I think I'll do the 2nd option." This is the worst possible defense a human being could play and I REALLY don't understand why he does it. This is basic Jr Jazz 4th grader stuff here people. At least the 4th grader wouldnt have been able to push Andrew Bynum out of the way and Kobe would have been disrupted by his own guy. Paul Millsap came out of nowhere to even get a chance to disrupt Kobe's dunk at all, didn't achieve such a lofty miracle, and took all the blame on the play. Not cool.

Competing with the pros?

Growing up I viewed professional and even college athletes not so much as role models but definately as people who were older than me. I was a little kid when Michael Jordan was in his prime. I was in Highschool when he won his last championship. I think I was still in Elementary school when mormon superstud Steve Young filled in for a mildly injured hall of famer Joe Montana and quickly stole his starting spot and won the league MVP the same year.

Somewhere in my mind these athletes are categorized as old. Although it started to freak me out a little when I realized I'm now older than almost the entire Jazz Roster (thanks Jarron, Brevin, and Matt), it didn't quite sink in untill a girl I once dated, who lived back east, who I still kept in touch with "just in case" cancelled a trip to Utah (where she would have got a couple dates from me), opting instead to go to NYC to "hang out" with her "just a friend" friend Brian Kehl who plays professional football for the Giants. I guess she met him at some sort of BYU type place either in provo or Hawaii.

Lucky for me I wasn't too torn up by all this but it did feel a little wierd to compare myself to a healthier way more attractive physically, younger than me, future if not already millionare. Oh well I thought how many times can THAT happen.

The next weekend I was hanging out with a girl on whom, I must admit, I did have a fairly healthy crush. I knew from facebook corrospondence that she had recently met current NBA great Mark Madson on a hike(career averages of .1 points 2 rebounds, 5 fouls in 3 minutes of action). Well her brother called or something and they spent the next few minutes chatting about him and her young relationship with him. This wasn't a date, and she hadn't led me on, so it was fine manners, but man...... twice in 2 weeks?

Immediately my mind started down the path it always does when a girl clearly picks someone else over me. Why him? What's he got that I don't? That wierdo? C'mon! But this time there were answers. Why him? He's rich, will retire early, and will still be rich when that happens. Can you blame the girl? I mean he's LDS. What's he got that I don't? 2 NBA Championship rings, money, considerably larger muscles, and way way way more skill at the exact same leisure activity/ hobby that is hands down my best event. (though I do think I could out shoot him from behind the arc.... anyone believe that? Ok maybe not) Then I thought of slandering his reputation... After all he did make sportscenter for dancing on a float after one of the Lakers Championship seasons. Youtube it sometime if youre thinking of going for him ladies. Dancing Skills aside.... I concluded you can't feel bad to get beat by a pro.

Back in the day my man Timmy went on a couple dates with a girl who had recently broken up with Chris Anderson. Now he's getting lots of minutes with the Denver Nuggets. That girl was lame and Tim's of course much better off with Holly, but It was also wierd. I went to 7 years of school, have 3 degrees, whereas homeboy dropped out of school, abandoned his mom, did all kinds of drugs, but is good at hoops so he makes in half a practice twice what I make in 3 years.

Mhhhh..... Oh well.

Speaking of Tim, his highschool girlfriend made out with pop-icon Mark McGrath in hawaii, while he was serving the Lord in Portugal. The funniest thing about it was how excited she was to tell me once i got home. i was like "Ok and youre proud of this why?" She was like "cuz he's Sugar Ray!! thats so hot!!"

In conclusion: Niether of the 1st 2 girls I mentioned are still after their respective pro-boy-toys (incidentally they arent after me either). And from what I know about the girl who macked sugar ray I have decided that I don't really need to, much less want to compete with the pros.

I am JOEL, son of GARY. I do not have a 6 pack. I am not famous. I'm the least tan person I know who isn't dead. I have wierd chest hair. I make dorky references to Lord of the Rings. I make very little money when compared to the amount of college debt i have. My Nose is crooked and I have to concentrate to not walk like a penguin. But I can sing better than Mark Madsen, I'm not a BYU alum like Brian Kehl, and I guarantee I can kick the CRAP out of Mark McGrath one on one.