Can I change this later?

A brief history of the duck/kissy face photograph.

2011-10-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

Allow me to briefly remind us all of the history of the kissy face pic.

The first time the look apeared on the face of any woman was when Mother Eve first bit into a sour, not yet ripened plumb after being cast out of the Garden of Eden. Adam, being smart, never told her how gross and completely unatractive she looked. Rather, he made sure to pick all the fruit for both of them from that time forth ensuring she ate only sweet fruit. It was a good call.

Mainstream kissy facing began to occur in Europe during the dark ages. Hygiene was in question. Toothpaste, floss, lip gloss and many other modern products had not yet come to light. Some of the most beautiful women somehow managed to maintain attractive smiles for short periods of their lives, but most others struggled with life long self esteem issues stemming from gross, ugly, tarter laden, disgusting smiles.
Some of these women in an awkard and forced effort to be sexy, began kissy facing.

It seemed genious at first... puckering up as if it was the best possible method of facial posing, while secretly accomplishing your first priorty of hiding your horrid smile. No potential suitor could see, or smell what horrors lurked behind those lips... He could even imagine normal teeth if he was "super artsy".

As other women began to see kissy facers leaving bars and walking in parks with misled men, they inevitably began to try it themselves. Unfortunately for them, the men of the time eventually saw the ladies' teeth and either bolted or were too far into the dowry process, and for fear of the inlaws, settled.
Word got out, men got wise to it, and just as kissy facing had nearly been erradicated from all the non-chimp portions of earth's animal kingdom, technology screwed things up.

The real evil of the invention of the photograph (even moreso than hispter photography and porn) was the fact that it has allowed women, mostly those with low self esteem, to capture permanently, the kissy face pose. On facebook, no man can digitally open the mouth of a photo's subject. He can't say something witty and charming to induce a truth telling grin. He can only shuffle through pic after kissy face pic, forever wondering if there is any true smiling potential behind his cyber prospects' ever protruding duckbilled fronts. The toughest of all men shed small tears of disapointment when confronted with such dilemas.

The single largest tragedy to befall the human race in this day and age is the inconceivable notion that women look good with a kissy face. It's inexcusable that an otherwise attractive woman might think she is best portrayed contorting her face into such a creepy, gross, abomination of facial musclulature that every male prospect (except for those who are into bestiality) would shun.

Please ladies... Put off the foolish traditions of pre-hyggenic female ancestry. It's unnatural. Show your pretty white chompers. Be proud of your God given smile. And whatever you do, please, eat only ripened fruits.

The Mysterious Trip Takers

2011-09-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

She's gorgeous. She's smart. She can tell when I'm joking. She has a good job. She's capable of a good conversation. She's committed to her beliefs. Basically she's one of the those few women I'd really really like to try to ease into my life. Heck, forget ease in---Did you read the first sentance? She's all that and yet shes on the market? My eyes widen. My hopes sail. And I plan my move...
Guys, haven't we all met a handful of ladies just like this? Go ahead think back... Okay, now think about how many of those girls like this you've tried with through the years who are now married. Any?

I can list off the top of my head 6 women who fit this category that I've come across in the last 6 or 7 years, no wait,7 women. None them are married or even dating anyone seriously that I'm aware of (of course over that long a stretch some of them I am no longer aware of at all). Singleness seems to clash with the info in that 1st sentance I threw out there doesn't it? Well after much thought I have decided I know why.

Allow me to describe an experience I had a few years ago.
My gal pal worked with this beautiful girl and after going on a road trip with her she decided she was also of substance and that I needed to take her out. She talked her up so much that I decided it was worth a try.

The first phone call went okay. She seemed smart, funny, confident yet humble, and after seeing a few pics (yep guys are shallow) I was pretty into the idea of a date. She was right with me on scheduling one for the next weekend. 3 days before the night we had settled on she called and told me she had just found some slamming deal on some weekend trip and had to do it, but that the next weekend would work great. Trying to come across as the laid back stud that I try to portray I said no biggie, and that I'd touch base later. Well when I tried for the next weekend she had forgotten she was going somewhere with her family, and the week after wouldn't work either. I let it play out and after not hearing a peep in a couple more weeks I tried one last time. Yes! She'd love to! She flirtatiously told me to stop being a stranger and went on to say "call me after I get back from place X next week, and we'll set something up" I mumbled swear words, did some pushups and promptly wrote her off. I WISH I could say it was because I lost interest in her, but no, I just hated feeling rejected every other week for 2 months.

I know what you're thinking... She had something else going, or she was a bratt, or I need someone who will make me a priority. Well all those things MIGHT be true, BUT it doesn't change the fact that she was attractive in all the important aspects except the making time for Joel thing (which I thought she'd come around on if only she'd give me a couple dates to work my mojo)

Here's my point. We decide girls like this are lame, or selfish, or too needy of being at the right places to feel important, and we do it to justify why they don't give us any real time of day, but honestly, I don't think it goes that deep. I think they are just plain and simple gone too much on the weekends. They're still great...Still smart, pretty, successful, just knowingly or unknowingly unable to allow a dude to come along for the ride on the chosen lifestyle.

Now if this was just a one time thing I'd probably just roll my eyes and let it go, but it's not, at all. In the last year similar things have happened.. oh maybe 3 times... a handful of similar events have come up before that, always depending on my brashness in attempting to wo these mighty unconquerrable She-Titans.

"Oh poor Joel, the girls are feeding him lines to let him down easy." Maybe sometimes, but the fact that I'm straight, not addicted to porn, employed, and not super hideous(aka tall and not quite totally bald), usually gets me at least some initial time with some quality females in my age range. That, along with the fact that ALL the mysterious triptakers I still know of are still single, leads me to believe that this particular issue (definately not all of them, man cuz I have tons) is more based in them than me. Yeah it's still totally arguable, but it's my blog.

Let's do some math. If passenger A boards a train heading to Vernal travelling 64 mph in SLC at 5pm and passenger B boards a train at the same location at 7pm how fast must B's train go for the 2 passengers to meet up in the Vernal station and decide to go on a date? AND if both are cool and into each other, what is the likelyhood that they will (1) date? (2) get married? and (3) date but not get married until both their original spouses die over 30 years later? (wasn't that movie Dear John about something like that?) Ok ready for the answer?
A: This was a trick question because guess what... the girl (person A) didn't get off the the train in Vernal. She kept going to Omaha. Then Miami. From there she took a cruise with lots of hot people to the Bahamas. Then she went somewhere with a fake red carpet and took a bunch of pics to post on fb. After a day at home to do laundry and eat at a hip restaurant with the girls, she went to some dude who shave's his arms cabin, then 2 weeks at lake powell. Then a "work trip" to Australia, after which she imediately went to some place called Duck Beach which apparantly is mormon-cool.

Person B (the guy), hangs out for a couple days in Vernal then goes back to SLC and works on his house a lot. Goes to work every day. He tries to do something socially minded on the weekends if he can but oftens fails and just ends up watching a redbox or a football game while sanding lathe and plaster. Oh yeah, he also watches project runway and fights back the tears as he thinks about how he doesn't have a special someone to share it with. You're special Heidi Klume, but it's not the same. Now that's some sad sad Math.

The probability answers are as follows:(1) 1 chance in 3,854. (b) None. (c) 1 in 25 (call me a hopeless romantic).

Well there you have it. Single people are single for many different reasons, but when you meet that girl that you can't believe is still single don't get your hopes up. Try. By damn my good fellow, give it a shot. But if you fail, and you probably will, don't take it too hard. She stumped me too.

Aging OUT

2011-05-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

So we have survived the first wave of bitter knuckleheads and attention starved females pointing fingers at slacker guys after this last general conference's theme of "get your butt married". It has initiated massive amounts of articles, blogs, tweets, and (can you still believe it?) real conversation on the topic. At first I thought I'd have mixed feelings on the issue, but I don't think I do. I'm 31, not close to changing my single status, and now looking in on the YSA wards that most say hold the key to getting married. I'm a proud person, which usually has me looking outward to find blame for failures that occur in my life. This time though, I must admit, I'm totally fine placing all the blame squarely on my own shoulders.

Many of my fellow Mormon Menaces are quick to point out how frustrating it is to hear the brethren speak of how things were "back in the day". How they just called on a girl till they fell in love and then got married. "Things are so different now" they all say to me, expecting a wholehearted agreement. One article I read placed all the blame on the single women. The author was clearly upset at getting chastened for not being married, while the women he was trying to date were off the hook even though THEY were the ones not marrying him. What a crock! Not really...

The fact of the matter is the brethren are right. We need to get married to someone. They want that happiness for us. They know we wont be happy married to a girl who obviously doesnt like us. (shoot for people in your price range folks)

I'd say the guys that are bitter about how conference went down should re-listen to Elder Scott's talk. He just talked about all the joys he found from marriage and then let the listeners decide if that was something we'd want. He didn't talk about how hot she looked in jeans or how many of his dude friends told him he landed a super hot babe. Rather he spoke of the joys he found learning and growing together. I'm sure he also enjoyed her physical beauty to a degree but the real joy he spoke of was much deeper. It of course is something we'd all want.

The other talks were a little bit more about how things were "back in the day" which yes, can be hard to relate to, but how about we view those talks much like we would any Book of Mormon story? We need to liken the scriptures to ourselves.

I find it very hard to believe that a solid member of the church is capable of likening Nephi's stories to him or herself but can't slightly adapt the situations of the apostles dating stories to find the lesson for us. I've never been told by an angel to behead anyone, yet I still think that story helps me be confident that doing God's will is the best thing I can do, regardless of how difficult I may find it.

I'll bet it was still scary for President Monson to call on a girl back then, whether it be at her home, or a barnraising dance or whatever ancient social events were done back then. It was probably the same kind of scary as it is for me to pick up a phone and call some girl I'd like to get to know better and see if she's willing to make some time for me. In both those situations I'll bet we felt a little more like Laban as far as sticking our neck out to the mercy of the female sword.

Just because we are spoiled in this day and age and it's so easy to be connected, doesn't mean we should get out of this life without having to stick our neck out and risk our own egos to get a date. Girls back then could say no just as easy as they can now. If you don't believe me go watch pride and prejudice. If you don't know what that is call your sisters.

Now I must walk away from the bounteous fields of the YSA wards to the very geographic ward many of the brethren themselves belong to. The Canyon Road Ward meets at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and has an average age around 70 years old. There I will likely hear many questions about why a handsome young feller like myself is still single. I'll be told wives are great bedwarmers to keep the heating bill down in the winter. I may even be asked if I'm one of them "fruits". I'm sure I haven't yet heard them all. Maybe I'll take a notebook to write to document things.

Here's my point. If me hearing that stuff is what it takes to put dating at the forefront of my mind then let me hear that stuff. If the brethren have to give talks at conference to get me to turn my focus toward marriage then why can't I trust that that's exactly what I should do? I guess if it was something I knew I should do but really didn't want to, it would be different. Like if they said we should all shun Dr Pepper (officially).

I heard Elder Scott's talk, I saw my parents marriage growing up, I talk to my married friends, I've seen the Brady Bunch, Saturday's Warrior, and an occasional episode of Sister Wives, and all these things make me want to accomplish the task more than anyone else wants me to (not poligamy). It makes me feel loved when people desire that I have a good thing that they've experienced, even if old people are horrible at how they present ideas to my generation.

Most of all I know it's what God wants for me, and therefore I'm going to hear it from His reps on Earth without crying whining or pushing off the message onto others. The message is for me and I need to hear it. They aren't asking me to behead anyone like Nephi. And though at times I would definately prefer that to dating, it's the task at hand and It's gotta get done. That's all.

hipslapstering

2011-01-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

Origal status: Who wants to go to a coffee shop tonight and slap some hipsters with me? It will be like carroling but more fun.
December 15, 2010 at 2:51pm ·LikeUnlike · Comment

A.J., J.S,B.L and 3 others like this..
R.V.H: slap some hipsters?
D.O: Done and done.
Joel Adams: We'll be hipster slappers, or "Hipslapsters" I like it.
A.S.: Bwhwhaaaaaa... I'll probably be there enjoying the hipster's quirkiness and enjoying some hot chocolate. I'll watch. And take pictures of you all. Perfect!
Joel Adams: Slap her D.O. Then we can take her camera and take pictures of athletes and deer while she's not looking.
D.O.: I do love pictures of athletes and deer ...
A.S.: Why don't you slap me, Adams? Are you scared?
Joel Adams: Yes. Yes I am.
N.W.: I want to come!
J.W.: That sounds like the perfect Christmastime activity! I wish I could come...boo for me.
S.Y.: You guys are gay. Hipsters are becoming more and more rare these days, as they realize that no one gives a crap if you look different if you can't make stuff happen. You should protect the waning population of hipsters. And take pictures of them in their natural habitat. Like deer.
J.W.: they don't look different. they look just like everyone else. just messier.
S.Y.: You're right. Which is why I am changing my position. Beat those messy turds! Seriously get a haircut, Ellen!
D.O.: Nothing says Christmas like hipster slapping.
J.W.: i can't believe you are all just catching on. this has been a tradition in my family for years. of course, they lived in seattle...
T.K.: leave hipsters alone
J.W.: um, they, by definition, don't care about this discussion, or even believe it really applies to them... but i love you T.K!
Joel Adams: The thing is a hipster doesn't even realize he is one untill it's often too late. He just tries to be like his other friends... hit all the scenes... eat all the humus. Then, one day he looks in the the mirror through his non prescription... thick framed glasses at his mop head hair style and trimmed to look untrimmed beard. As his glance lowers from his v-neck- always brown sweater to his canvas shoes with no socks he notices his pants and realizes why he hasn't produced any testosterone in the last 2 years. He tries to sob. He wants to feel pain, but cannot. He has become a hipster and can no longer love anything but woven items and things made by Mac. His parent's still love him, but cant stand to talk to him. His girlfriend loves hating him almost as much as she loves looking like a vietnamese hooker wrapped in a rucksack.
He has nothing now. Nothing but vintage salt and pepper shakers from one of those antique stores in Logan. Sadly he wanders into a coffee shop full of others like him. All trying to be different in exactly the same way. He sits down, sips his tea, and gets slapped in the face, by a hipslapster. He feels a rush of emotion and is overwhelmed by the touch of another human soul. He hates what he's become.
M.F.:LOL
J.W.: so...you're really performing service tonight! i always knew you were a do-gooder, joel...
Joel Adams: Tis the season.
D.O.: I ♥ service.
S.S.: Count me in ... when and where!?
S.Y.:We should knock them out and sew yellow patches in the shape of off-brand horn-rimmed sunglasses on their jackets. But I won't be there tonight.
Joel Adams: The thing tonight is fake anyway.
T.K.: Hating on a hipster is so much more cliche than being one.

Joel Adams: I think you're confusing hating and slapping.
S.Y.: T.K with the body blow! Good one! Although BEING a hipster just has to be miserable, they just don't admit it. At least the rest of us admit that we live in misery. Then promptly do our best to alleviate the pain by bringing others down.
N.W.: You mean by slapping them?
Joel Adams: My favorite hipsters are the ones that are pure lumberjack from the waist up and 14 year girl from the waste down. It's such a fascinating and successful contrast. If you want to see an example, go to what they call "Sugarhouse" (the liberty park area) right now and find one of the many houses with a party going on. You will surely see a posse of these lumberboppers loafing outside on the porch. If you compliment them on their scarves they will hug you and give you a business card to their up and coming new company.
A.N.: Joel it sounds like you really know what a hipster is. And the hate is seething through. Anytime you want to slap one I am game just by your description of them. I should focus my slapping on a specific group anyways.
S.C.: Yes please.

up late

2010-11-23T00:14:00.000-08:00

I get thoughtful and ponder the meaning of life for at least 2 weeks after a frustrating break up. Here's a poem I came across that, although cheesy, explains exactly how I feel at 1:22 am. I'll get back to trying to be witty later.

Untitled, by Filiberto Jones

Empty spaces on a page
Readied pen waits to engage
The language clear the meter set
But ink and paper haven’t met

Yellowed, stiff, and turning stale
Its purpose to relate a tale
Good or Bad
Afflicted, healed
Its perfect, blank, and unfulfilled

The gouging point leaves words cut in
Like scarring wounds across the skin
For all to read
For it to feel
Potential dies or becomes real

Eternal verse on mortal page
Faded ink is now the gauge
Of victories won
And of defeat
Ink and paper have to meet.

Memo to the Ladies

2010-04-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

Recently I was charged by my Bishop to oversee a Dating panel aimed to help the dudes in my ward try to overcome or at the very least identify areas in which we can improve. I asked a handfull of pretty amazing females, some solid guys, and a married couple to be the panel.
We tried to get a good mix of outgoing folks and people who my be a little quiet.

Overall the discussion was pretty productive, but one common tune in many of the comments by the females is that guys need to man up and not avoid dating. They also need to not use wimpy methods to ask girls out. They like a guy with confidence and a straightforward approach to inviting them to well planned social interactions. I had never before noticed how big a deal that is to women, after all I somehow have managed to find possiblities in dating, even though I have a deathly fear of calling one on the phone. Yes I do call, and It always is good progress (they either are glad I call, or my humility gets a nice shot of strngth) but I don't think I have ever in my life just called a girl cold turkey without some sort of an idea that she'd most likely be at least sort of interested. After much thought I have decided there are few things girls need to understand about guys. Many will disagree me, but oh well.

Often times the best guys are not necesarily the best daters.

At first, any contact is good contact.

If a guy sends you a text, an email, a cyber "nudge", or any other silly little thing, PLEASE take it as a compliment rather than an insult. This means he is trying to see if you are ok with him hanging around the idea of the 2 of you getting to know each other. If you respond positively and he never takes it beyond those feeble levels, then you have permission to hate his guts or think of him as a major wimp.

Give a dude the benefit of the doubt (at first). Many guys come across as very confident. That's because they probably are, in most aspects of their lives. They key word there is MOST, in fact tons of guys are confident in almost everything EXCEPT dating.

I'm a fairly confident basketball player, mostly because in years long past I avoided any social activity I could by playing hoops in my driveway, so if you see me playing ball you may expect me to be confident (or even a tad cocky?) in other aspects of my life. But what if you saw me trying to sight read some difficult bass line of a song my musically talented brother roped me into performing with him and 2 experienced female singers in church? Would you think I was confident then? Nope, you would not.

Girls need to help guys gain confidence socially by being polite and honest, maybe even a little patient with the dumb early contact antics. Don't expect a skilled engineer to know all the ins and outs of dating like he would laterall load calculations (heck he even has pc software to help him with that) Don't expect the spiritually gigantic kid who bore his testimony last month with great physical command and clear communication, to be nearly as brave when calling up a girl he thinks is pretty.

I do agree that guys need to man up, but every man starts out a baby.

Cancer Sucks, and not just for the normal reasons.

2009-11-10T16:23:00.000-08:00

So I worked for a couple years at a place after my mission, and in the process became friends with a few of my fellow employees. One them was a really funny semi-sarcastic gal that we shall call "Ramona" (that's not even close to Ashley is it?) The friendship consisted of lots of joking, a little bit of the regular office gossip, and an occasional lunch trip with our other worker pals. Nothing "tight" but still good enough friends I would say. So eventually I went to grad-school and left that job. She transferred offices, got married, and had a kid, as is the human tradition. A couple years later we became facebook friends. She ocassionally posts funny things on which I comment from time to time and vice versa. This is how our very limited friendship has remained. Today that friendship has ended. (*frightening beat* -"dooh dooh dooh")

Now before I explain the gorey details of this untimely facebook friendship death, there is something the reader (and I know there aren't many) needs to understand about me. Something I thought "Ramona" knew... I find inapropriate things to be funny. Theres just something to be said for putting your foot in your mouth.

I have joked about dead people hugging Jesus. I have laughed out loud during very somber family prayers, I almost got kicked out of scout camp at age 13 for sarcastically challenging a 40 yr old leader from another troop to fight for the rights to a lame rope swing hanging over a tiny stream. I once pulled a YSA group into feeling massive amounts of guilt for laughing at comments I made about how Jesus (who I love profoundly and truly believe would crack a smile over some brotherly banter) would probably suck at basketball for various inapropriate reasons.

None of these things were helpful to me to become a better a person, or beneficial to anyone involved in any way, BUT they have all added a sort of flavor to certain instances in my past that I still think back on and can't help but smile. Sometimes I just think of things that are so "not ok to say" that I just have to say them regardless of the consequences, just to see what will happen. You may say "No Joel, you don't have to say them. We all are free to choose." But those who would say that, don't understand me and probably wouldn't be very fun to hang out with.

Now this is not an excuse for the following behavior I exhibited; Rather an explanation of why I had to do what I did.

The following is copied directly from "Ramona's" Facebook status:

"Christmas will come early for a five year old Michigan boy this year. Noah Biorkman is battling cancer and is not expected to live much longer. Noah's family is celebrating Christmas next weekend (November 13th and 14th) and Noah loves Christmas cards. Noah's mom is asking for Christmas cards for her son. Please take the time to send a card or letter to: Noah Biorkman, 3480 Petoskey Way, Milford, MI 48380"

I very wrongly commented on her post:

"Dear Noah,
Thanks for bumming us all out this holiday season by getting cancer. You have ruined Christmas for everyone!"

Another of Ramonas friends posts: "WOW"

I then left my computer and went to FHE. This morning when I came in to work, I went to the original post to see the hatred and bitterness that I was sure to recieve as a side effect. Alas, she had deleted my post and no one else had commented. I thought it was probably ok because I wasn't feeling like having to deal with the backlash anyway, and I felt a little bad for making Ramona, who knows me and would probably think it was at least kind of funny at some level, have to deal with my immaturity on an issue she obviously felt strongly about. To get a feel for her thoughts on it I posted "Hey! Where's my comment?"

She replied with:

"I can't believe you posted that comment. You are such a loser. Have a freakin' heart. It is one thing to be funny, but that was just immature and inappropriate. I have been meaning to "un"friend you over it, but can't do that one my work computer. Maybe later tonight, jerk!"

Well she somehow managed to unfriend me 5 minutes later, rather than later tonight. I tried to explain myself in another post but I was blocked from commenting. I did send her a personal email however stating that there was no way this story could be true and it was probably some stupid internet hoax..... Then I googled the kid and found out it is legit. Oops.

And so ends the friendship....

I guess I deserved it. I guess it's ok for you to hate me for finding joy in saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I guess I should grow up. I guess Ramona is probably right. But maybe.... just maybe one of you read my horrible comment and felt a little bit guilty for smiling, or even letting a small burst of laughter-like air bubbles exit your lungs before you thought about how wrong it was, and began plotting my death. And if one, JUST ONE of you did either of those things.... I say to one and all, the laid back folk and the people with objects lodged tightly up thier rears alike, and with not enough remorse to ruin my day"It was worth it"

(If you are my fb friend and now choose to unfriend me and never read this crappy blog again, I will understand, but just remember... My next blog will be a hypothetical, yet soon to be very possible, preview on who would win a 1 on 1 basketball game between little Noah, and Jesus. Stay tuned.)

Why Boozer's gotta go.

2009-07-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

http://lakers.fandome.com/video/111417/Kobe-Destroys-Paul-Millsap/

Watch this clip. Ok so the website, the announcers and probably all the fans in attendance think Kobe dunked on Paul Millsap. Now watch the clip again and focus on Carlos Boozer... Done? Ok so Korver is guarding Kobe. Boozer's man sets a pick. Boozer then surprisingly hedges out (this means the instant that HIS man picks his teammate Korver, he takes a big step the direction Kobe is headed to. This keeps him from getting to the hoop momentarily, then when Korver recovers Boozer can slip back onto his guy) This is considered good defense (Yay for Carlos!). Ok so Kobe then reverses direction and tries to beat Korver to the middle of the court. In this he succeeds, but it should be ok because once again Boozer is right there ready to help cover Kobe. I can only imagine what Boozer is thinking at this point. "Ok baby, here comes Kobe. Now I can either stay where I am, in perfect defensive position to majorly disrupt Kobe's shot, force him to pass, or at the very least foul him and make him earn the points from the free throw line..... OR I can push my guy backwards to get us both out of Kobe's way, flail my arms like I'm trying to fly, and take a huge bunny hop AWAY from the hoop (where Kobe is headed), OK I think I'll do the 2nd option." This is the worst possible defense a human being could play and I REALLY don't understand why he does it. This is basic Jr Jazz 4th grader stuff here people. At least the 4th grader wouldnt have been able to push Andrew Bynum out of the way and Kobe would have been disrupted by his own guy. Paul Millsap came out of nowhere to even get a chance to disrupt Kobe's dunk at all, didn't achieve such a lofty miracle, and took all the blame on the play. Not cool.

Competing with the pros?

2009-03-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

Growing up I viewed professional and even college athletes not so much as role models but definately as people who were older than me. I was a little kid when Michael Jordan was in his prime. I was in Highschool when he won his last championship. I think I was still in Elementary school when mormon superstud Steve Young filled in for a mildly injured hall of famer Joe Montana and quickly stole his starting spot and won the league MVP the same year.

Somewhere in my mind these athletes are categorized as old. Although it started to freak me out a little when I realized I'm now older than almost the entire Jazz Roster (thanks Jarron, Brevin, and Matt), it didn't quite sink in untill a girl I once dated, who lived back east, who I still kept in touch with "just in case" cancelled a trip to Utah (where she would have got a couple dates from me), opting instead to go to NYC to "hang out" with her "just a friend" friend Brian Kehl who plays professional football for the Giants. I guess she met him at some sort of BYU type place either in provo or Hawaii.

Lucky for me I wasn't too torn up by all this but it did feel a little wierd to compare myself to a healthier way more attractive physically, younger than me, future if not already millionare. Oh well I thought how many times can THAT happen.

The next weekend I was hanging out with a girl on whom, I must admit, I did have a fairly healthy crush. I knew from facebook corrospondence that she had recently met current NBA great Mark Madson on a hike(career averages of .1 points 2 rebounds, 5 fouls in 3 minutes of action). Well her brother called or something and they spent the next few minutes chatting about him and her young relationship with him. This wasn't a date, and she hadn't led me on, so it was fine manners, but man...... twice in 2 weeks?

Immediately my mind started down the path it always does when a girl clearly picks someone else over me. Why him? What's he got that I don't? That wierdo? C'mon! But this time there were answers. Why him? He's rich, will retire early, and will still be rich when that happens. Can you blame the girl? I mean he's LDS. What's he got that I don't? 2 NBA Championship rings, money, considerably larger muscles, and way way way more skill at the exact same leisure activity/ hobby that is hands down my best event. (though I do think I could out shoot him from behind the arc.... anyone believe that? Ok maybe not) Then I thought of slandering his reputation... After all he did make sportscenter for dancing on a float after one of the Lakers Championship seasons. Youtube it sometime if youre thinking of going for him ladies. Dancing Skills aside.... I concluded you can't feel bad to get beat by a pro.

Back in the day my man Timmy went on a couple dates with a girl who had recently broken up with Chris Anderson. Now he's getting lots of minutes with the Denver Nuggets. That girl was lame and Tim's of course much better off with Holly, but It was also wierd. I went to 7 years of school, have 3 degrees, whereas homeboy dropped out of school, abandoned his mom, did all kinds of drugs, but is good at hoops so he makes in half a practice twice what I make in 3 years.

Mhhhh..... Oh well.

Speaking of Tim, his highschool girlfriend made out with pop-icon Mark McGrath in hawaii, while he was serving the Lord in Portugal. The funniest thing about it was how excited she was to tell me once i got home. i was like "Ok and youre proud of this why?" She was like "cuz he's Sugar Ray!! thats so hot!!"

In conclusion: Niether of the 1st 2 girls I mentioned are still after their respective pro-boy-toys (incidentally they arent after me either). And from what I know about the girl who macked sugar ray I have decided that I don't really need to, much less want to compete with the pros.

I am JOEL, son of GARY. I do not have a 6 pack. I am not famous. I'm the least tan person I know who isn't dead. I have wierd chest hair. I make dorky references to Lord of the Rings. I make very little money when compared to the amount of college debt i have. My Nose is crooked and I have to concentrate to not walk like a penguin. But I can sing better than Mark Madsen, I'm not a BYU alum like Brian Kehl, and I guarantee I can kick the CRAP out of Mark McGrath one on one.

J0 8 EL

2008-12-31T14:00:00.000-08:00

Lord of the Rings VS Harry Potter

2008-12-18T16:10:00.000-08:00

I'm a little ashamed I'm even blogging about this because to me there really is no comparison. BUT I had this debate with a close friend the other day and I feel I need to end it once and for all, not just between me and the friend, but the entire world.

Lord of the Rings wins. It doesn't only win it really really wins. You probably already know why but I'll review a couple things anyway. In fact, lets make this a mini-series

Today, Installment number 1 "Bad Guys"

It's real stupid how all the bad guys and good guys in ALL THE LAND are so closely tied together in Harry Potter.

In Middle Earth the good guys and bad guys didn't all know each other and go to school together back in thier younger days. In HP every little SECRET plot twist goes back to Harry's parents and one of his school teachers, or one of his teachers and a bad guy, or a bad guy and one of his parents.... Did evil people exist outside this small circle of friends? Maybe in that world there was competition among the evil bad guys and they had clicks. What if Harry and his friends had to find out secret evil pasts of people who went to school somewhere OTHER than hogwarts? Like Cornell...or SLCC? I think it would have been even scarier if Voldemort had been homeschooled in Canada. WOW... that really has potential.

Anyway, Lord of the Rings is much more wholistic and inclusive of it's bad guys. Worm tongue came from Rohan, The balrog came from hell. Cave trolls I assume came from caves, I'm not really sure where Mountain trolls came from. Sauron's past isn't really revealed in the series of published books though they say it's explained elsewhere. Maybe he started out good and was turned evil by multiple female rejections. Gollum was once sort of a hobbit like person, but not from the same area or bloodlines as Frodo. Heck there were even 3 different groups of orcs who all hated each other. In fact of ALL the many bad guys, Saruman was the only one who we can assume had a similar education to a good guy (Gandalf). Maybe they were old wizard highschool band buddies. I assume they went to the same school because they are of the same "Order", maybe Saruman was a few years ahead of Gandalf. It seems clear that by the time Gandalf came through the Cher hair craze had died down and people were more into hacky sacking or long boarding. So yeah. It's dumb when stories affix universal bad guys to local good guys like in Harry Potter. It's way better when the bad guys become bad in thier own way and it doesn't necesarily have to be tied to some small town humble hero. That way the small potato has to overcome the greater evil... yadda yadda.. save the world.... Oh yeah, let's not forget the Sheeba the spider(i think thats her name). She probably had just a regular spider's background...No wierd strings attached (get it) to Frodo, OR Aragorn, or anyone else for that matter....Born in some dark place. Lots of siblings, she probably ate most of them to help her get big. Maybe she had a couple boyfriends that got her into rock climbing or spellunking, before she sucked out thier insides. I doubt she was ever in love with frodo's mother, although maybe if she had been she could have saved him a lot of trouble by promising to watch out for him... Outwardly hating the half of him that reminded her of his father who beat her out for his mother's affection, but sadly loving the memories conjured deep in her soul as she looked into those same defiant eyes that Lilly had..... We don't know what Frodo's mom's name was, but I think it could have been Lilly.

Do you get my point? Lord of the Rings bad guys are much more believable.

BRAD ROCK IS DUMB

2008-12-09T14:11:00.000-08:00

Ok so for a while now I've been wanting to expose Brad Rock, the deseret News Sports guy as the not funny twit that he really is. Now I don't actually mind his sports coverage but I HATE his "ROCK ON" column, in which he seems to think he is funnier than Connan Obrien. Allow me to break down his latest article... His words are in pink, my narrative in blue.

Brad Rock Proving ground
It's tough being quarterback at a famous school like Alabama.
How tough?(tell me brad) John Parker Wilson had his cell number stolen by LSU fans and posted on the Internet. (Oh THAT Tough!)
Then there are those ridiculous expectations. (Oh yeah I HATE those)
In a November Sports Illustrated story, Jay Barker, the last Tide QB to win a national title (1992) said, "I just hope he can go away with a championship. That's where your legacy is, how you make your stamp as an Alabama quarterback."
Here in Utah, we don't worry about things like national championships. We just decide a guy's legacy by whether he comes out a winner in the annual BYU-Utah game.
The rest is just details. (Ok maybe he's not trying to be funny yet. )
Who's who
Plaxico Burress was the NFL's best story last week after showing up at a hospital with a gunshot wound in his thigh. Subsequent reports said the New York Giants receiver accidentally shot himself at a nightclub.
He originally identified himself to medical staffers as "Harris Smith" and said he had been shot at an Applebee's restaurant.
That's the problem with getting arrested when you're a pro athlete.
If they recognize you, you're in trouble.
If they don't, that's not a good sign, either. (Ok I can handle that one I guess)
Known cohort
Rock On sources say police didn't get suspicious until Burress/Harris told them he had been out scarfing hot wings with Ron Mexico. (HAHAHAHAHA....Wait who is Ron Mexico? Oh, I googled it. I guess it was an alias Michael Vick used once. HILARIOUS! Now we're rolling!)
Course distractions
The cost of golf has become ridiculous.
At the Royal Links Golf Club in Las Vegas, it'll set you back $225 — and that's just for the caddy.
"Par Mates" are female caddies who, according to their Web site, are hired to "keep golfers company." Other responsibilities include calling in food and beverage orders, keeping score, repairing divots, fixing ball marks, cleaning clubs and helping with yardage.
The Mates have names like Erica (advertised as Penthouse Pet), Brianne and Fawne.
"Now more of what you come to Vegas for!" says the Web site.
Wait, don't most people come for the 99 cent breakfasts? (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHHAHA!!!!!
It's SOOO TRUE! Food really IS cheap in Vegas! HA HA HAHAHAHAH, oh Brad...)
Love conquers all
Expedia's "Go Like Pro" survey recently revealed that 18 percent of pro football fans would never marry a fan of their team's biggest rival.
Good thing the survey wasn't about college. (why Brad?)BYU quarterbacks coach Brandon Doman not only married a Ute fan, they had their wedding reception at Rice-Eccles Stadium.
Who says true love isn't bigger than sports?
Unless, of course, sports are your only true love.

(what does that mean? "who says true love isn't bigger than sports?" ok so that's a question right? followed up by "unless of course sports are your only true love" Unless who? what? Am I only supposed to answer the question if sports are or AREN'T my only true love? I'm sure this is funny Brad, cuz you're hilarious, so I wont question it anymore just cuz it has confused me. Oh yeah the laugh... HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA. You're such a funny dude! Brad!)

Finishing burst
Jacksonville Jaguar running back Fred Taylor passed O.J. Simpson on the all-time career rushing list last weekend.
Which is a nice accomplishment.
Still, as the Juice proved, the true test of greatness is how long a guy can stay in the news after his career his over. (or maybe the TRUE test of greatness is how long a guy can keep WRITING the news after his career SHOULD be over.)

Utes vs Cougars 08

2008-11-24T15:52:00.000-08:00

I guess we didn't really STORM the field. It was more like a nice little stroll once the crazies had all made it out of our way. Since this is just a stupid blog and I am past the days of living and dying by the success of my favorite sports teams, I won't do as I would have 5 years ago by ripping on the blue nation but I do think there were some REALLY COOL things that happened that night that I would like to relive a little here. That being said I am a Ute fan and somewhat of an anti-old stubborn dude BYU fan so I might get a couple jabs in here and there. Don't worry Y fans, If you're cool enough to be reading my blog I'm sure none of this will be directed at you.
1. Got my pic taken with Paul Kruger. This is actually the one i took for Tim, but it's a better picture so who cares. The kid walking into the picture tapped Kruger on the arm and asked him why he didnt take his interception to the house. Looking up at me and Timmy he shook his head in disgust and said "No kidding dude" (I have a hard time cheering for some types of football stars due to things I heard of happening at thier parties and among the athletic departments to cover those things up, but not for this dude. He's an RM who got his stomach sliced open by a thug with a knife while defending his loudmouth little brother who yelled something stupid. He also kicks butt)

2. The coolest part of the night was when the Y guys started doing the Haka before the game started and the home team stormed thier party and nearly caused a brawl. In my weeks at the MTC the Polynesian dudes would do the Haka almost every sunday night before thier homies left for thier first areas. There was a Hawaiin Elder in my district who got irked when his fellow Polys would teach it to thier whiteboy companions. I think the Polynesians on the U sideline may have had similar feelings as these, and since probably more than half the Hakateers at that game were pretty little whiteboys I must admit that it gave me pleasure to see it broken up. A lot of people are saying it was disrespectful for the Utes to do that but come on U.C., BYU stormed the field in the middle of Utah's senoir's night presentations which everyone could clearly see was pretty lame and immature. Anyway, there was an exciting spirit of hatred that made each play that much more fun to watch.

3. We won- Josh and I couldn't help but laugh to see Tim cheer. He wasn't cheering toward the field. Instead he turned around completely and cheered toward the various BYU fans behind us in the stadium. My personal favorite was when he started yelling "Yeah Baby! arent you glad you paid 200 bucks to watch this?!" (we overheard them before the game talking about how much it cost them). It's always fun to have to friends like that. Like 3 years ago I went to Cedar Point (awesome rollercoaster park in Ohio) with him, my sister and some other people. He had done extensive research on each ride and actually made us sprint to the entrance and to the first few rollercoasters.

4. I'm sorry Brian Johnsen. I thought you sort of sucked. You don't.

5. I'm sort of sorry Max Hall. You had me worried and I thought you were by far the better QB going into the game. You played very poorly, and I think if Bobby Anae had been smart he would have kept running it and it would have been a much closer game.

6. Austin Collie. I'm pretty annoyed that you are good because I don't like you, but yes, you are good.

7. BCS part 2. Looking over the season, I'd say we aren't as good as the 04 team. BUT, looking at individual quarters, and specifically that last game, I think we CAN be even better. So bring on anyone and lets see how we do.

okay thats enough.

4 people.

2008-11-20T16:42:00.000-08:00

Ok that's actually more than I thought.

LaNae, I sort of thought you would be the only one. Good Job. Ashley, Sorry I bailed on the talent show idea. It's actually because I can't swim but was too ashamed to admit it on that group email. Marcey huh? Kind of a surprise... How the heck is Ogden treating you? Is that where you are? Derek- I think some of the better posts are earlier on. Somewhere back there you'll find an email from a disgruntled former date that I thought would be highly entertaining. I'll try to include more posts like that in the future. I actually have a semi recent mean email from another girl, but I can't post it untill she gets married or leaves the country or something.

That does remind me of a funny story from days back at Weber State. I was on my way back to the dirt pile parking lot across from Lynn Lecture Hall. I had had a tough day of spanish, racquetball and trig, and was not looking forward to a long night of helping old ladys do color copies for thier scrapbooks at my night job at the alphagraphics in west valley(ask me for a miracle). I was even more scared of girls then than I am now, so imagine my surprise and excitement to see a cute little note on my car as I approached the once crowded lot. It was on a pink 3"x5" card and I could see it was big cutesie girl handwriting in shiny purple ink. My mind raced to think what female it could have been from, or maybe it was a SECRET admirer. My heart beated in my chest and my face went red as I snatched it up discretely to read. "Learn how to park.... asshole" was all it said. I think I kept it for atleast 2 years.

Just a head count please.

2008-11-10T16:15:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty sure no one reads this blog. Maybe my awesome sister LaNae sometimes. Hi LaNae. Except probably not even her after starting back up at work again this week. Anyway I'd be REALLY interested to see who actually checks in on this thing every once in a while... so please just leave a comment with your name. IF YOU DARE

Girls are mean.

2008-11-10T16:12:00.000-08:00

yep.

Reasons why life is good (in no particular order)

2008-10-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

a. It's Halloween time. Halloween is the most fun of all the holidays. It's hard to say it's the best because Christmas usually involves a lot more time off work and more meaningful reminders and stuff.... But Halloween allows you to act like an idiot which i do too much anyway, but on halloween i can be proud of it and not feel ashamed. This year my costume will likely be lame because I am putting most my extra holiday time into making a scary pinata. The original plan was to have it's various anatomical parts filled with fake blood, intestines, and brains, etc so when the party-goers finally break it they will hopefully be splashed in horrifying gore. I had it all figured out too, BUT i think that one might have to wait for a party at my own place so i dont stain the hosts' lavish furnishings.

b. The UTES are undefeated. Who knows if it will last the season with that offense sputtering through wins, but it is fun. I have season tickets this year with my 2 best friends and it has been a sweet sweet ride.

c. The NBA season tips off tonight for the Jazz.

d. The MPJH competitive men's league tips off for me on monday night. If you're a girl and I invite you to see me play, it most likely means I like you and want to use you to play better (I have twice the energy when I'm showing off)
related good news- My weak ankle has tightened back up quite a bit and hasnt been an issue this summer, althought it still snaps every other step.

e. The weather is awesome.

f. My car still runs (sort of)

g. I heard they are making a Ghostbusters 3.

d. I've noticed a few other people finally giving Karate Kid the much deserved praise that it merits.

e. I'm dirt poor and I don't care. You may think this isn't a good thing, but then think how bad off i'd be if I was dirt poor and DID care...

ok im sick of typing so i just need to think of one good last one to finish it off. hmmmm
oh I no longer have a cold! just a slight cough that lingers around from time to time. Was that good enough? probably not.

2008-10-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

I have high hopes for my nephew.

2008-10-01T15:16:00.000-07:00

Ok so it's been almost a month since I posted anything here. Usually I try to avoid posting lame ramblings that mean nothing to anyone but me. I especially try to avoid posting things that will expose me as dumb. I know someone who knows someone who constantly blogs about her shoes and tablecloths, oh yeah and also comments on TV shows. I saw her blog once and although i previously had no opinion on her, I now find her to be dumb. That being sad, since i have nothing really to talk about I will comment on those 3 things.

Shoes-I like shoes. Wilma says I have too many shoes. They are good for walking around and other activities that could possibly damage my toes or other foot areas.

Tablecloths- I've been sitting here for atleast 1 minute trying to think of something to do with them. I hope to have more to say on the subject at a later date.

TV shows. I expected the office to be bad again this season. I love all the seasons of the office except the last one. It was really bad to me. They came too far away from the normal redundancy of the workplace and suttle humor that made it so funny. They overdid almost all the characters making what were believable little quirks we can all relate to, into large character flaws or extreme behavior that took it out of the realm of relating to the viewers. If you don't believe this sacrelidge of which i speak go back and watch any episode last season.
The good news is last thursday was much better than last season and hopefully they bring it back to it's roots.

Other stuff that's going on

My parents' house is very very slowly being remodeled. i hope thier marriage survives the process. (im kidding. it will)

Ebony is immune to shock collars.

BYU fans are far less prevalent in the Aves than they were in Bountiful and I LOVE it. I havent had to hear a single person brag about them this whole season.

I offered my highly coveted guest ticket to Oregon State vs Utah tomorrow night to someone on sunday. This person has put me in pickle by answering "probably", but that they'd tell me for sure the next day. Now the game is tomorrow and it's still a maybe. Females, try to answer "yes" or "no" to social outings involving tickets. Males, take your Ute loving buddies to things like this, and try not to cast your crimson pearls before the neutral colored swine just because you aren't creative enough to think up a real date.

Ok thats about enough random banter for one afternoon.

2008-09-02T16:26:00.001-07:00

HARD GUY PICTURE

2008-09-02T16:22:00.000-07:00

Every male needs one.

2008-08-27T12:36:00.001-07:00

Some Sagebrush

2008-08-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

but it seemed so funny at the time

2008-08-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

Would you rather "Surrender the Booty" or "Prepare to be Boarded"?

Salesmonster Grover

2008-08-13T16:00:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else remember that Sesame Street bit, when grover tries to sell kermit a toothbrush? Kermit is like "I don't even have teeth, go away" Then Grover tries to sell him a set of false teeth. By now Kermit is pissed. Grover persists to the point that they get in a big fight. Dust flies. Muppet hair gets tossed into the air, and when they stop fighting and look around kermit has a huge mouth full of brand new fake teeth. Guess which celebrity he looks just like?

Ever since Ghost Rider flashed me that big smile full of new veneers I've been trying to pin point where I had seen it before. If anyone has a pic of fake teeth Kermit PLEASE, I need it to prove my point to the world.

My Name Ideas

2008-08-11T12:17:00.000-07:00

Ok so one of my 2 favorite sisters is pregnant and due to have her 1st son and my first nephew in about a week. Here's my official list of awesome boy names for them to use:

Fulsom
Optimus
Juice
Giacomo
Filiberto
Tobias
Illusion
Rancor
Juan Ramon
Yao
Miagi
Ma'afala
Wilson
Joel 2
Wario
Neildiamond
Bill Beau
Ozzy
Milsap
Emiliano
Gilbert
Cuthbert
Jebidiah
Turbo
Han
Perciville
Ralph
Raulf
Raul
Nichodemus
Sweetness
Clovis
Grim
Samwise
The Rocketeer
Jo-Jo
Siler
Doctor
Rampage
Jazz
Casper
Chauncey
Johnritter
Money
Hopscotch
Hibbert

And of course my favorite: Gaston

2008-07-31T12:31:00.000-07:00

We lost another softball game last night. I went 2/3 with a single and 3 run homer. I don't usually hit home runs, but I do usually fly out or hit wussy grounders while over swinging to try to hit one out. I used to be a good outfielder, but I dropped another one last night. Maybe I just thought I used to be a good outfielder. I often wonder what I could have done in baseball had I tried it. I know Gary would have liked that. Hmmm. Ps "Bonesaw" is our team name which is awesome. It barely beat out "Action's Ham" and if you like the logo, I designed it.

2008-07-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sort of proud of this project. It was kind of a temporary full size installation just off the shoreline trail near Red Butte Gardens. Unfortunately it only stood for a few days because our college professor failed to attain the necessary permission to install such items on protected land. We were lucky though... some groups never even got to put thier stuff up.

If you want to be a boxer. You can't be scared to take a punch.

2008-07-16T16:29:00.000-07:00

2008-07-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

I miss making stuff like this.

2008-07-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

This is a 5 minute sketch of one of Santiago Calatrava's buildings at the City of Science in Spain. I used to try to do one sketch a day. That's definately something I need to resurrect.

That reminds me.... I highly recomend going on a vacation without a camera sometime. Or atleast limit yourself to like 2 camera pics a day. Take a sketchbook or a notebook and just either draw or write to express the place you are visiting. It forces you to really feel and digest the place, rather than just snap a shot and say "look at me, see how I went there?" Instead you sit and notice how the place is. You draw or write what you feel, and you capture THAT instead of just some picture. It really has improved a lot of my vacations.

2008-07-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

So yesterday they made me executive secretary in my singles ward. It's really not all that different from what I have been doing as Ward Clerk, but for some reason It feels like a huge change to me. It ties me down a lot....prevents me from weekend trips spilling over into sunday, stuff like that. It kind of also has made me feel a little bit like I'm done being a goof off, which stinks in a way, but is also ok.

Lynn (my brother) is now moved in and I officially have my 1st non-missionary companion roommate. I'm sure the Apt will be a little bit messy most of the time, but there are worse things.

This last weekend I got to spend friday night and saturday up near mirror lake at my uncles cabin. It was nice to just not be at my apt, work, or church building. We went on a pretty cool hike saturday. It was only about 5 miles but thats pretty good considering we did it with a pregnant girl (my sister LaNae). I drove home by myself that night while everyone else stayed. There's something really enjoyable to me about driving long distances by myself. I guess being alone in general is very restfull to me because I'm an a huge introvert by nature. Over the years I've learned to come out of the shell and function successfully in large groups but it does kind of wear on me and when I really tired I still close off a little.

A few weeks ago I spent way too much on a new mtn bike, but I'm trying to get out on it as much as possible. I also started running a couple times a week, and playing basketball at least once a week. I really miss the days when I could bike the loop 3 times a week and played ball almost every day.

Scary Monkey

2008-07-07T08:51:00.001-07:00

This is a pretty scary monkey. I think he's from my brother's halloween countdown to horror.

2008-07-01T11:13:00.001-07:00

Ok enough fiddling with the font. I was just deleting old emails and found one from a girl with whom I went on one blind date. Just one date mind you. After the date she kept inviting me to do stuff, and rather than inventing excuse after excuse I wrote her an email explaining that I was not interested in persuing anything in that direction. I swear to whoever may be reading this that I was not rude. Honest? Yes. Upfront? Yes. Cruel? I sure didn't think so. Anyway without further adu here is her response..... enjoy

Gee!!!! Excuse me for taking the time to say hello to you.I assure you that I will not do it again. I have so many good friends that love me and respect me. Too bad that you seem to think I am not good enough to be a part of your life. When did I ask you for anything other than friendship? When did I express a romantic interest in you? What good is it that you are so handsome when your uglyness reaches your bones? The truth is that you are not man enough to tell me that I don't fit the bill as to the type of friends you like to keep. I thought that it was heavenly father's job to judge. I pity the fact that you did not allow us to share laughter, that you kept yourself exclusive for those who you think deserve it, and that you missed out on a super interesting girl like me. The day that you a moping over your Gatorade because you cannot find an understanding and sincere woman...you will remember. From the way that you have spurned my friendship, I conclude that you are not doing things right, that you are not honoring your priesthood and...do you know what? I run away like hell from men like you.

So there you have it.

Lessons Learned: (1)Uglyness can be a bone disease.
(2)Some guys apparantly mope over Gatorade

Inapropriate Comment:
Maybe her "running away like hell" from me got her into some kind of a routine, which I think could really benefit her.

Hmmmmm

2008-06-27T14:22:00.000-07:00

Alright then I guess I'm blogging. That font was bad. So this Isnt really for other people, not that I care if they read it, but it's more of any easy way to keep a journal or just write some of my stupid theories down.

Theory #1- Theories are mostly pointless but cool anyway.